So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
