I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
