have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
