I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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