i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
