did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
