she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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