I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Four minutes until I can fart!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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