Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
