I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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