He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
