so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
