For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
