I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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