He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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