No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
