Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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