I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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