just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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