none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
