I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
