thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
