Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
