Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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