apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
