You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
