It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
