What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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