Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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