i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
