May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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