your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
