I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
