By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
