She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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