I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
