Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
