Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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