I wish I only lived at night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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