dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
