Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
