i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He? As in you personified your dick?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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