Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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