forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
