he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
