i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
