do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
