I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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