I'll bet she douches with gravy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
