I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
