I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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