i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
